90 lines
2.5 KiB
Plaintext
90 lines
2.5 KiB
Plaintext
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The Infamous Hello World Program.
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Romeo, a young man with a remarkable patience.
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Juliet, a likewise young woman of remarkable grace.
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Ophelia, a remarkable woman much in dispute with Hamlet.
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Hamlet, the flatterer of Andersen Insulting A/S.
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Act I: Hamlet's insults and flattery.
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Scene I: The insulting of Romeo.
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[Enter Hamlet and Romeo]
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Hamlet:
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You lying stupid fatherless big smelly half-witted coward!
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You are as stupid as the difference between a handsome rich brave
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hero and thyself! Speak your mind!
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You are as brave as the sum of your fat little stuffed misused dusty
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old rotten codpiece and a beautiful fair warm peaceful sunny summer's
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day. You are as healthy as the difference between the sum of the
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sweetest reddest rose and my father and yourself! Speak your mind!
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You are as cowardly as the sum of yourself and the difference
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between a big mighty proud kingdom and a horse. Speak your mind.
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Speak your mind!
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[Exit Romeo]
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Scene II: The praising of Juliet.
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[Enter Juliet]
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Hamlet:
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Thou art as sweet as the sum of the sum of Romeo and his horse and his
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black cat! Speak thy mind!
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[Exit Juliet]
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Scene III: The praising of Ophelia.
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[Enter Ophelia]
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Hamlet:
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Thou art as lovely as the product of a large rural town and my amazing
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bottomless embroidered purse. Speak thy mind!
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Thou art as loving as the product of the bluest clearest sweetest sky
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and the sum of a squirrel and a white horse. Thou art as beautiful as
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the difference between Juliet and thyself. Speak thy mind!
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[Exeunt Ophelia and Hamlet]
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Act II: Behind Hamlet's back.
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Scene I: Romeo and Juliet's conversation.
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[Enter Romeo and Juliet]
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Romeo:
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Speak your mind. You are as worried as the sum of yourself and the
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difference between my small smooth hamster and my nose. Speak your
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mind!
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Juliet:
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Speak YOUR mind! You are as bad as Hamlet! You are as small as the
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difference between the square of the difference between my little pony
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and your big hairy hound and the cube of your sorry little
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codpiece. Speak your mind!
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[Exit Romeo]
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Scene II: Juliet and Ophelia's conversation.
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[Enter Ophelia]
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Juliet:
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Thou art as good as the quotient between Romeo and the sum of a small
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furry animal and a leech. Speak your mind!
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Ophelia:
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Thou art as disgusting as the quotient between Romeo and twice the
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difference between a mistletoe and an oozing infected blister! Speak
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your mind!
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[Exeunt]
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